Categories
Anxiety Disorder

My body is in crisis mode

I haven’t been blogging much lately – anywhere. I’ve talked about my fear of crashing and finally, it happened. It’s been a bit shocking. Sometimes, I think that because my mind feels high functioning and I avoid most situations that trigger me, I *perceive* myself as being better then I am. Because I am doing […]

Categories
Anxiety Disorder Giftedness

How My Brain Works: Mindmap 2

Last month, I did a rough mindmap of how my brain works. I was quite proud of it – until I saw it’s flaws. I’d lumped physical symptoms in with psychological processes and personality traits. This was useful in the first iteration, as it gave me an overview of what I was dealing with. It made […]

Categories
Anxiety Disorder

“I Just Want To Run Away”

I had a much needed catch up with a friend on the weekend. We were both exhausted, although in my case it was due to a pesky migraine that hadn’t responded to meds. After I’d said it about 8 times she asked “What do you want to run away from?” The question sort of pushed […]

Categories
Anxiety Disorder Giftedness

How My Brain Works: Mindmap 1

Yesterday, I accidentally discovered executive dysfunction. I had words to describe what was happening mentally. I’ll be exploring that in a later post. Last night I was in bed trying to get to sleep when I mentally started plotting out this mindmap. I could finally see the connections between various parts of my illness(es?). I […]

Categories
Anxiety Disorder

What Is My Anxiety Like Now? August 2016 Edition

I know what you’re thinking. “Barely any posts for weeks and now there is a rush of them over a couple of days?” Yeah. The admin stuff is over with the disability support network which means we need to get down to the nitty gritty about finding employment. Now I may not be well enough […]

Categories
Anxiety Disorder

Pushing Myself Harder Is Making Me More Exhausted

At the delightful hour of 5.30 this morning, Glenn kissed me goodbye before he went to work. He passed on this little bit of info: “One of the cats has sprayed over the towels. Could you wash them for me?” Fuuuuuuck! I was already having a shit nights sleep because I’d planned to go to the […]

Categories
Anxiety Disorder

No Job and Soon, No House. Fun Times

This is a ‘stream of consciousness’ type of post written when I was very close to panicking about my financial situation. No offence was intended. Additionally, those closest to me have been extremely supportive. Last week, I found out I had lost my main freelancing gig. It was my only freelancing gig. 2014 was such a […]

Categories
Anxiety Disorder

4 Year Anniversary with Glenn: Here is why it’s such a big deal

Yesterday marked FOUR YEARS since Glenn and I started dating. Technically, we weren’t dating at that point – that came a couple of weeks later. I feel smug and strangely proud of myself. I’m the family fuck up. Well, I have strong competition from some siblings. I’m unable to work and drive. I’ve never been […]

Categories
Anxiety Disorder

Fuck Bedtime

I can’t handle the hours before bedtime. It’s been a problem even since I was diagnosed. I always feel antsy and distracted. I’m feeling it right now. But why? ~ It is the time when you run out of things to do and it is just you and your thoughts. It is the time when […]