Anxiety Disorder

Pushing Myself Harder Is Making Me More Exhausted

At the delightful hour of 5.30 this morning, Glenn kissed me goodbye before he went to work. He passed on this little bit of info:

“One of the cats has sprayed over the towels. Could you wash them for me?” Fuuuuuuck!

I was already having a shit nights sleep because I’d planned to go to the Werribee Zoo sleepover with family. I know I shouldn’t be dreading stuff like that, but I’m hitting the point of burnout.

Crap sleep aside, it made me realize something that had changed over the past couple of weeks: I was going downhill when it came to housework and self care again. Before the job network stuff, I was getting my energy back and had turned into a brilliant cleaner. Clothes were washed and put away, we had clean plates and I showered regularly. All of this regression in just a month!

Now that I’ve been pushing myself with this blog, researching and trying to clarify things, I’m feeling considerably more lethargic. Dishes and washing have been mostly forgotten. Mess just stays there. I have to force myself to shower.

It can be easy to think: why is this relevant? Isn’t this another complaint in a long line of complaints?

No. It is data. I have proof that pushing myself, even in a safe environment, is causing side effects. Granted, part of this could be due to a busy weekend at my parents and not having enough time to properly sleep off the exhaustion. However, I’ve visited mum for longer periods in May/June and didn’t crash this bad.

(Note from 2017: I later realised that my anxiety medication had stopped working long ago. I hadn’t realized it because I wasn’t pushing myself. All observations are helpful 🙂 )